Choices

Almost a month ago I sent out an email over our neighborhood family listserv asking for moms who stay at home to share their experiences with me. I thought that hearing others’ reflections on the decisions would help me think through my own decision, and it was helpful. Emails have still been trickling in, and a bit from one I received yesterday really stuck with me.

“Congrats on being able to stand at the threshold of the option. It's a gift to have the choice, no matter which you go with!”

It is such a great thing to have choices in our lives in how we raise our children. I wish everyone truly had the choice to make the work and child care decisions that made them the most happy and the best parent. The answer to that choice isn’t the same for all families, but all families should have the same array of choices. Too often income, geography, employers, and societal pressure dictate our options and choices in these situations. Wouldn’t it be great if all families had the opportunity to decide between having one parent stay at home; working part time; and having access to bring your baby to work programs and onsite daycares that encouraged parents visiting during the day? I can’t help but think we would have a healthier society if all those choices were both equally valued and equally accessible to all.

I am thankful that my family was in the position that there was a choice to make and that I could make the one that feels right to me.

It still hurts some, however, when I can tell some people think I’m crazy, or that staying home is somehow anti-feminist and setting women back. Or that somehow I am setting a bad example for Ian by not being a working mom. Do we really value work so much and raising children so little that if I’m not doing both I’m wasting myself? Of course once I take my lactation educator class I plan to teach some breastfeeding classes at times that my husband is available to take care of Ian. So in that way, I am going to find my own balance between stay-at-home momness and outside activities.